I recently watched the movie You Hurt My Feelings and felt that I needed to write a post about it. Typically, I don’t watch a movie or show and have the desire to write about. But, for some strange reason, something about the film spoke to me. Nothing about You Hurt My Feelings screams “peak cinema” to me, which is another strange feat of the movie. To put a genre behind it, I would say “realistic”, nothing more. It’s extremely similar to Scenes From A Marriage or Fleishman is in Trouble.
I will give a simple and fair warning that this will 100% contain spoilers regarding the film, so if you’d like to read this with the knowledge of the film, go watch it first.
A Compelling, Complex Plot
The movie follows mainly through the perspective of Beth, a married creative writer and teacher, who is working on pushing her second book. The thing is, the first book she published was a memoir, and now she is beginning to dive into the realm of fiction. From the other side of the relationship, Don deals with troubled patients as a therapist. He has an internal struggle he cannot reveal to Beth, due to patient confidentiality.
Here’s where the plot begins to take a turn. Don, hanging with Mark, Beth’s sister Sarah’s husband, beginning to talk badly about Beth’s new manuscript. She overhears and begins to grow distant in her relationship with Don, until Don notices and attempts to make amends. They have a tiny argument and in the end, are able to effectively communicate their problems to each other to make themselves a happy couple once more. Sounds thrilling, right?
The Main Message
I think this film does a great job with presenting real life scenarios and fictionalizing them. The main message that was itching to come out for most of the film was: Is your partner expected to a supporter of your work? It’s a question worth asking, and one that I’ve asked myself multiple times as a creative. I’m sure my girlfriend has thought it before as well. Of course, it’s not always as straight an answer as a simple yes or no.
The way Beth finds out about Don’s opinion on the book is what is most disheartening. She learns about his opinion behind her back, speaking nothing good about it. Perhaps there could be some redeeming quality about his criticism, but that’s it, it was simply criticism with no room for constructive comments.
To answer the bolded question, I would argue that a partner is not meant to be a full-time supporter. In fact, I could also go a step further and say I enjoy when my partner challenges me to write better. I appreciate when they give constructive criticism, something I think Don could’ve done to avoid any conflict. He simply could’ve went to Beth, and instead of telling her he didn’t like any part of it, offer criticism to better it.
Character Analysis
Don
I think Don is the most complicated character in the entire movie. While being halfway ignorant with his comments on Beth’s novel, he has the most complicated work life. In the opening scene, we watch as he works with a troubled couple (Carolyn and Jonathan). They’re completely broken as a couple, but instead of offering the advice to split, he attempts to fix what is clearly broken. This lands back in his face.
While Don is working to help people with their failing relationships, he fails to initially see his own marriage deteriorating. On the other side of Don’s coin, he has feelings about his physical appearance, however it isn’t mentioned enough to be truly relevant to me. Searching online, I saw some people acknowledging this fact, but to me, it must’ve blown over my head, if not mentioned enough to make me care.
Beth
The only other character that really has enough to do a “full” character analysis on is Beth, the protagonist. Imagine going to surprise your husband and (literally) behind his back he’s speaking bad about something you’re proud of. Beth hears Don talking down on her future novel and begins to distance herself. Although, distancing is hard when you share a living space with the same person. She doesn’t speak to him about this until her husband-in-law’s birthday dinner when Don asks. She’s granted the opportunity to bring it up where everyone is involved so as not to back herself in a corner to fight for herself.
The culmination of this drama ends in a rather uneventful conversation between Beth and Don alone. While some may argue that the “events” leading into the peak of arguments wasn’t eventful or exciting, however I liked to take that as marriage being similar. A relationship, at its most stable foundation, is when both parties have little to say. Beth brings up how all of the jewelry Don bought her is an example of him not listening to her. I think Beth’s character is a great representation at how every human has simple flaws. She was frustrated at Don but in the end grows to be comfortable once again, as every marriage has road bumps.
Conclusion
I was a fan of this film. I understand many people may not be interested in this genre, and I can most definitely accept that. This genre is not for every cinema fan out there. However, I think it succeeds in presenting a realistic take on marriage, arguments, and the human experience. Some films, whether they be fantasy, sci-fi, historical, follow a well-documented script regarding how they start, work, and finish. I was not expecting half of what was to come in this movie, which makes me pleased as a viewer.
There were, of course, a couple of bumps in the road that I won’t discuss in excess. Some of which being certain actors and actresses, the plot being able to be solved relatively quicker than how it was, and others. Even with a couple of downsides, I was happy to watch You Hurt My Feelings and would recommend it to anyone interested in similar genres. On a rating of 1-10, I would give this film a 7.3/10.
If I should do more movie reviews, send me suggestions down below! I have a small backlog but will get to them soon!